COMMON SENSE

Today is a day when I do counseling. Every hour and a half a new client walks in the door. Once I had a client ask what gave me the right to tell him what to do. Couldn’t he just figure it out without me? He decided to stop counseling. Years later he came back. His life was a mess and he was in legal and financial trouble. This time his question was how did I know this was going to happen.

Many times we look to common sense to figure things out. The problem is our common sense is tied to traditions taught to us by our families. All families have dysfunctional thought processes mixed in with logical thoughts. They don’t seem dysfunctional because to us they are normal.

I have thought about the dysfunctional thoughts that have guided me throughout the years. It usually took a crisis in my life to make me examine what I was doing. One example was my father taught that we should work hard if we expected to have anything in this life. Tied to that was only those who were lazy looked to others for help. Hard work is a good thought process but to never help others or to never admit we might need help is not good.

I remember working with those in the Welfare to Work program. I remember feeling overwhelmed at the problems facing these women as they tried to get away from welfare and begin a process of earning a living. Some of the women had never had anyone in their family employed. They didn't have a roll model. The common sense of their families taught them that when they reached a certain age they needed to apply for welfare.

In order to help these women leave a life of welfare they need to learn how to find a job, clothing, and daycare. They also needed to be taught how to get up on time to get to their job. They had to be taught to respect their employer and have a work ethic. Were they lazy or had their family common sense taught them to look to others to support them?

As I go through the process of deciding who I will be I need to make sure my decision is not based on common sense.