Parenting: Touching the Hearts of Our Youth

This message touched my heart. A wonderful message to grandmothers and grandfathers as well as parents.

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Parenting: Touching the Hearts of Our Youth

OLD FASHIONED WISDOM

My grandfather worked in the coal mines. He had an eighth grade education and did not consider himself as anything important. In the eyes of his grandchildren he was wonderful. While out together one day we came upon a man who was drunk. In my youthful wisdom I said “isn’t that disgusting.” My grandfather said something that has influenced my life since. “When I was a drinking man there was nothing more desgusting than a sober man. Now that I’m sober there isn’t anything more disgusting than a drunk.” Ah, the wisdom of a wise grandfather.

TRAVEL

Last night Kent and I looked at airline schedules. We now have enough air miles to travel to Pasadena via Burbank Bob Hope Airport. Of course there are things to do in Southern California. There’s Disney Land, Lego Land, The Huntington Library, Universal Studios, Sunset Boulevard, Rodeo Drive, beaches and did I mention my grandchildren? I love seeing the world but I have to admit that the best part of my world is accentuated with family.

PATIENCE

I had lunch with a friend today. We had planned in advance so we would have enough time to enjoy lunch and the time together. As we were leaving the restaurant there was a group of 8 women asking if they could be served immediately and quickly because they had a meeting to attend.

We live in an age of instant communication, instant food and even instant entertainment. We have come to expect everyone to respond instantly to our requests. Using the word patience is as outdated as sending a letter or baking a cake without a mix. Having said that I must also add without patience we will never be happy. We have many adults who are unhappy who never learned to be patient. It shows in their driving, how they treat others and their attitude.

Children don’t mature without patience. We see so many children today that are labeled ADD who are just bored or easily distracted. They live in a world of watching the shows or movies they want when they want (recorded on DVD) without advertisements. Games give instant rewards to keep them mesmerized and distracted from life.

Patience isn’t just waiting for something to happen. It is persistence towards a goal. We can wait for a holiday or we can prepare for the holiday. The preparation makes the holiday so much more enjoyable. Learning to read takes staying power and endurance for a child. Just waiting for it to make sense will mean the child will never enjoy learning.

As an adult we need to also have patience. A few months ago I started an exercise program. I found myself tired and wondering if I was pushing myself too hard. Now, months later I have found that the steady consistent work has paid off. I am enjoying my exercise and don’t feel the same exhaustion when the work ends. Staying with something worthwhile does pay off in the end.

NO HOARDING HERE

Today is the annual garage sale in our neighborhood. Driving on my street can be hazardous. You could be hit by a driver looking at houses instead of the road or you might hit someone running from one house to the other trying to lug their newly prized chattels. I remember seeing my first garage sale in the late 1960s. Before that people used newspaper ads to market their goods. Since then we have new ways to sell our possessions. We can use Craig’s List, EBay, or any number of internet options.

I’m an advocate for selling unwanted possessions. A few years ago I sold enough to pay for an Alaskan vacation. During the selling process I had to endure my families teasing. One morning when Kent couldn’t find his belt he asked me if I had sold it on EBay.

Although I continue to weed out what I don’t use I am no longer selling these items. I don't have enough to pay for a vacation. I have been feeling that I should help others by my giving so I have been giving items to charties. The problem is I have found that not all charities use most of the money for what they advertise. I find myself feeling angry when a report comes out telling about one of these charities and for a while I don’t want to give to any charity. Then I realize that there are so many charities that are good. I just need to be more careful when I donate.

INFERIOR FEELINGS

Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” There is much truth in what Mrs. Roosevelt said. I have been thinking about the times when I felt inferior. When I compare myself to others I always feel inferior. Comparisons do keep us feeling less that those perfect people we try to emulate. There are other times when my inferior feelings are caused by bulling. We think of children being bullies but I have found that children grow up and still are bullies. They are now overly competitive, a gossip or one who reminds you of past failures. All of these examples are of  those who not only feel inferior but seek to make others feel inferior with them.

I am reminded of a story I heard long ago. (For some reason all my stories are from long ago.) A man went to hell to visit. As he was shown around he noticed that the women were all very lovely and delicate. As they walked around they would stop at a tree and look at the fruit hanging there. They would then very carefully bite into the flesh leaving the fruit on the tree. The man asked what they were doing and his host responded, “They are poisoning the fruit by their bite so that some unsuspecting soul will be harmed.”

Life can be a real evil place when bullies harm. Maybe the solution is to warn people of the poison before someone is hurt.

WILDFIRES

Once again the wildfires are raging in Southern California. I remember being in Pasadena and seeing the distance smoke from the fires. In Pasadena the weather was pleasant and we couldn’t smell the fires but they were there, threatening the communities. This year like all other years the government of California is using their limited resources to fight a fire that is a natural part of the earth renewing itself. The problem is we have gone into areas and built communities thinking we can control the uncontrollable.

I think lives are very much like our mother earth. We can have a beautiful life if we choose. But there are places we shouldn’t go and areas we shouldn't build. I hear gossip and I know that it will hurt the individual but it will destroy the gossiper. There are many substances that we should stay away from. Some images and thoughts should be avoided. Any kind of cruelty is worse that a wildfire. How do I end my list? I can think of so many things to add. I think the bottom line is if we want to avoid the wildfires in our lives we need to keep out of the areas that are destined to burn out of control.

BUT WAIT!

You can’t watch television today with out seeing an advertisement to purchase something you have never owned but somehow are now tempted to buy because you feel it is a must own item. The best part is the advertiser always says “But Wait! If you buy it within the next 20 minutes we will double your order at no extra cost.” And so begins my life as a hoarder. Now I have never been accused of being a hoarder. I don’t have anything in my attic that can be discovered at the Antiques Roadshow. I don’t even have enough to have a proper garage sale. I have my children’s pictures and mementos in drawers in the bottom of my bookcase. That’s about all that I have saved in 6 decades.

But I have to admit that some of those items look very inviting. And with the special deal I will never run out. Since I’m not a hoarder I have lots of space to put these wonderful bargains. I can start filling up cabinets, drawers, closets and the space under my bed. I’m not sure how the conversation with my next of kin will go. I’m sure there will be a few thoughts expressed such as: “I thought you were downsizing.” “How are you going to pay for your next trip if you keep spending like this?” “You didn’t really fall for that advertising?” “I thought you smarter than that.”

Well, I guess I will have to put off purchasing the most wonderful deal of the year. Maybe, I will just go out and purchase Iraqi dollars. It’s not really speculation. They really will be worth a lot in a few years and then I can really justify my need for all those items.

IS IT REALLY A HOLIDAY?

So National Parent’s Day has come and gone and if I wasn’t a read the funny’s kind of person I wouldn’t have known about the day. I’m not sure about the purpose of this day. Is this a day to celebrate your mother and father still being together? Since you are old enough to buy the card to celebrate the day is this a wake up call reminding them that their job is never done?

Why do we need a special day for parents? Don’t we have Mothers Day and Fathers Day? After all parents choose to be parents. Some choose to do it alone. They are a parent but do they qualify for Parents day since it is plural? Mothers do get more attention than fathers so is this a day to make sure that things are equal?

All in all I think this is a risky holiday, if indeed it is a holiday. I think its best to pretend you have never heard of the day and stick to Mothers Day and Fathers Day.

AN ARTIST

I remember as a child wanting to be an artist. We lived behind my aunt, uncle and cousins. In those days everyone was older than me. My cousins would draw. I so admired their work. Even my sister seemed to be so much better than me. I never seemed to match up to anyone I knew but I still had a burning desire to be an artist. When I went to college I decided to major in fine art. My advisor tried to discourage me. He said I had never had an art class and I would be competing against people who were already much better than I could ever hope to become. So began my college career.

I loved art and because of my love I progressed quickly. After two years of art I became a mother. What a life changing experience. I had so little time to devote to what I loved. Cloth diapers and a lack of a clothes dryer kept me rather busy. My artist oils had to be put on a top shelf and my easel was put in the garage. Art became something I did when my child naped.

One day my preschool son and his friend climbed up on a chair and got down my oil paints. They had a wonderful time painting my grandmothers hand pieced and quilted blanket. How this broke my heart. I decided that day to stop doing art. I couldn’t be a good mother and an artist, I concluded.

Recently I have started doing art again. What a joy. My skills are rusty but are coming back slowly. I have decided that most of my abilities are inborn. I can see colors in a way that others cannot. I understand why a picture is successful and why it fails. I love talking to Kent about my thoughts and he loves my input into his photographs.

I have had a lot of goals in life. Being an artist is not unrealistic. It’s time to create new art for my home and life.