WHO AM I?

Last year Ben designed a business card for me. It’s contemporary, classy, and unique. It has the things you need on a business card, title, name, job description, address, phone, email, you know the necessary things. In one neat little card it expresses who I am and what I do. I think about identity often, especially when working with clients. Our identity is how we see ourselves. If Ben were to make the coolest business card for me that described my identity instead of a job title what would it be?

I have thought about “One Who Encourages” or maybe “I Work at Having a Good Life.” So that no one misses what I do maybe I need to add the purpose of my work. I help people move forward with their lives or I am finding ways to improve so my future is as happy and the present. The most important part of the card, the description is mine. The other part, the design is up to Ben.

If you don’t like your job description or if it's one dimensional then its time to rethink how you view yourself. There are two major attitudes that change our self-description. The first is gratitude. Being able to be grateful sifts our awareness so profoundly that it changes how we view ourselves and others. There are volumes of research that explains how your brain actually changes as you develop the characteristic of gratitude. The bottom line is, the more you find you are grateful for the more you will find to be grateful for. This new found gratitude will change your purpose and self-image.

The second attitude is being able to express gratitude to others. Expressing gratitude changes others lives and how they treat you. It creates double blessings. You receive a major benefit in how your brain is wired and how you feel about yourself. You also find people being drawn to you in positive ways because you are positive and encouraging. Not to be missed is how your expressing gratitude changes others perception of self. They are lifted and encouraged to continue doing good because you expressed gratitude.

So…….. Thank you for taking the time to read what I have written.

*A note: Ben is not used to putting the camera down so he can be photographed!

VALUING SELF OR SELF ABSORBED?

We lived in our last house for decades. We loved the house and found it a wonderful place to raise our children. Everyone has fond memories of the house. However, there were projects I had always wanted to do but were never accomplished until it was time to get our home in saleable shape; such as putting in new windows. Our old windows were not air tight and would allow moisture to seep in. This was a problem in the winter when the moisture froze. It was also a problem in the heat of the summer when air came through the cracks. We also decided to paint and remove wallpaper for the sale. Much needed but put off for so many years.

When ever we went to visit my in-laws we would find my father-in-law working hard to finish a project before we got there. The same would be true of my mother-in-law. She would we preparing a dish from a recipe that she had wanted to prepare but waited until company came. I found my husband doing the same one day. Working hard to finish a project started at the last minute.

Now you’re probably thinking I am having some random thoughts. But they are both examples of doing for others what we really want for ourselves. I have wondered why we are that way. Is this a way of feeling that we are being Godly and denying ourselves worldly pleasure? When it’s for others  are we then justified in getting that which we need or want? Why can’t we value who we are and feel that if something needs to be done we can do it for us? There is a difference between being self absorbed and meeting our own needs. One doesn’t care about others and how what we are doing affects those around us. The other realizes the need to care for our surroundings and personal needs. Learning to value self is an art.

This week we have been working on our deck and yard. It waited until our company left. I don’t think it mattered at all to our company that we needed to weed the flower bed and paint the deck. I think they enjoyed visiting with us late into the evening. If we had worked hard to get the house perfect for their visit then we would have been too tired to visit. Now we have the memories of the visit and our yard is being cared for too. This is the best of both worlds.

WHY GIVE?

I have always admired those who dedicate their lives to service of others. I think “how wonderful to be selfless. To not care about being paid for what you do.” As I think about this I realize that I know a lot of people who are selfless. This past Saturday 71,000 individuals walked or ran for the Komen Race for a Cure. Some of them were friends. When a neighbor died everyone in the neighborhood went over to clean their house, laundry  and yard work. A wonderful meal was prepared and someone sat at the house during the funeral. Meals were taken to friends who had babies. A group from my church made specially designed pillows for breast cancer patient’s at the hospital. My sisters-in-law care for their 91 year old mother. A brother and his son are volunteer fire fighters.  Groups clean up the roadside. Shelters are keep in business by those who come and work with animals who are abandoned or abused.

As I look around I realize that selfless service is everywhere. Most people never make the news or are nominated for an award, but their service is just as important.


Why do people give service? I remember hearing one individual say she was not going to take a meal to anyone who had a baby. They had 9 months to fix extra meals and put them in the freezer. They shouldn’t be looking for a handout because they were unprepared. I have thought about that statement many times. I guess the reason I give service is I like the way it makes me feel. I like sharing those personal moments with people. I give because I can’t always help family who live far away. I hope as I give to someone else’s family someone will be giving to mine. To quote my sister “what goes around, comes around.” I am so happy to be part of a serving community.

HUMOR

Humor today is missed in most of everyday life. Oh, there are things we laugh about. I’m not talking about the kind of humor that makes you laugh uncomfortably or you would be embarrassed if ______ were standing next to you. Nor am I talking about laughing at people. I’m talking about humor that is in the mundane; the ability to laugh about the ordinary things that happen to us.

I remember when I was single, a married woman saying you can tell when you are mature you don’t giggle or laugh about everything. I have though about that many times. I love being able to laugh with friends and my husband. Maybe being mature is over rated. Maybe we all need those childlike qualities like laughing and giggling.

So I will share my humor today. We have a bishop at the head of our church. He is a kind and compassionate man. His name is Bishop Tuttle. As Kent was out and about he saw this church. It has nothing to do with us or our church. But the humor was not lost on him.

A ROAD WELL TRAVELED

My granddaughter is learning to read. She loves to read to people. Her enthusiasm is contagious as she smiles and shows affection for her book. What a wonderful world reading will open for her. Aubrey is going down a road she hasn’t been down before. It’s full of adventure and excitement. It can become a favorite pastime as well as a necessary skill. I am so grateful that she is not struggling with reading and has enjoyment for learning.

I love opening the pages of a book and reading the written words. As a child this was not a love of mine. I have dyslexia and reading was never easy. As I worked reading became less difficult and now I have a love of books. I find adventure in searching about places I want to visit and joy in reading about the accomplishments of others. I read much about my profession so I can be the best counselor I know how. At times I find the letters don’t cooperate especially when writing and sounding out new words but I can overcome that with a little patience.

As each grandchild begins reading I hope they find the adventure before them a wonderful experience. Learning should be fun. I'm grateful it has become for me.

USELESS

Some days I feel quite useless. Kent is off doing grocery shopping (his choice). When we returns he will mow the lawn. The house is clean and laundry caught up. I don’t have any projects that need to be done. There are no walls to paint or weeds to pull. A good friend is coming in a few hours to cook a gourmet meal for our family. The only thing I have to do today is wrap a gift for friends who are moving. I have wondered why I measure my worth in things that need to be done. Why can’t I just enjoy the day and the company of a friend and family?

I remember when I longed for a time when I could just sit and read a book without out feeling guilt for neglecting something. When I could walk though my house and not see so much that needed to be done. Now that day is here I feel useless. Monday morning will come and I will have much to do. This month is very busy with work, visitors, activities, and travel. For one day I need to enjoy the moment and stop feeling guilty for not needing to be doing something productive every moment.

WE’RE IN THIS FOR THE LONG HAUL

It seems that most everything in the news today seems to affect me. I’m not sure if it’s because I have become a world traveler or if I have become a more sensitive less pragmatic individual. This week’s news that the Gores are separating seemed to hit me especially hard. Dinnertime conversation went from “I have trouble understanding the reasoning of the North Korean leadership…” to the Gores. I realize that their separation does not compare to the sinking of a ship, attacks on villages, natural disasters, or the concerns in the gulf but it still has shaken me to the core.

Couples separate or divorce all the time. But the Gores appeared to be different than other couples. I really believed that they genuinely liked each other. When this time of their lives should be one of planning what adventures they would do next they are planning how to divide their lives. There will be no one on the earth that will ever have their shared memories. Yes, they can create new memories and the children are grown so it’s not such a difficult experience for them but I wanted them to be different. I wanted them to be happy.

As Kent and I talked last night we discussed what we thought the roll of each spouse should be. It was interesting that we each discussed our individual roll not what we thought the other person should be doing. Maybe that is a sign that we are happy with each other and judging ways we should improve. We discussed our children’s reaction to the practical joke we pulled on them on Memorial Day. We discussed the visit of the grandchildren, Christmas plans and our next vacation. We are more in love today than ever before. In September we will celebrate 42 years of marriage. How fortunate for us and for all those who believe in us.

A FENCE BY ANY OTHER NAME

Fences are interesting. They are used to keep people or animals out or in. Sometimes their purpose is to define someone’s property line. They can be pieces of beauty or made for privacy. There has been such a fascination with fences that poets have written about them. Some of the most beautiful landscape scenes have a fences tastefully placed to balance the picture.

When we moved into our neighborhood there weren’t any fences. No one seemed to mind that the exact property line wasn’t marked. Children and animals roamed freely between yards.

Over time fences started to go up in the neighborhood. The first fence was to wall off a swimming pool. It was a beautiful pool with an even more beautiful fence. Next an older couple put up a fence to contain their dogs. Once the rabbits population realized the dogs couldn’t get out they enjoyed teasing the dogs by running in and out of the fence.

                                                           

Two of the neighbors got into a fight and suddenly more yards were fenced. One day I looked out and there were only 2 yards that didn’t have a fence, ours and the neighbor to our left. Children still run through the two yards. It is a great place to play hide-and-seek. Basketballs or soccer balls bounce and roll through the grass always followed closely behind by a child. We still hear laughter and it is enjoyable to go out and talk to our neighbor.

Fences are nice. They have a wonderful purpose. They also wall off a family from the rest of their neighbors. I have wondered at times why we enjoy stopping to talk to the neighbor to the left and don’t seem to see the other neighbors as much. Maybe it is what the fence represents in the neighborhood.